The Almighty Cthulhu almost withered away in the absence of a true photo for Wednesday Wreck of the Week today, so he searched and searched until he found the Mother of All WWOTW photos. This fellow got pictures of EVERYthing.

Pacific Beach, June 14, 2004

Big thanks to TAC for his WOTW submission!!

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Man. I completely forgot that I was going the celebrate June 22 as the one year anniversary of the day I linked to Brian Damage. My life hasn't been the same, since.

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It's time once again for Wednesday Wreck of the Week!

This week I have no actual accident footage, so I present to you "The Ringer Toss" from the LebowskiFest held in Louisville, KY.

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Tuesday, June 29, 2004

With all this talk about Paige Davis, I thought I would take this opportunity to share my Personal Story about her.

I rode the school bus with Paige Davis all through seventh grade. All the way TO school AND all the way home FROM school. I even remember where the bus stopped to pick her up and drop her off.

There. You. Go.

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The County Fair started last night. Y'all don't know what you're missing. To remedy that, I thought I'd hit the highlights from this week's schedule.

Monday: Chess Tournament @ 6; Demolition Derby @ 7:30. I heart the Demolition Derby.

Tuesday: Sheep Show @ 4:30; Demolition Derby and Horse Pull @ 7:30. Decisions, decisions.

Wednesday: Tractor Driving @ 7:30; Elephant Show @ 9:30. Real elephants should be in bed by 9:30.

Thursday: Decorated Poultry @ 7; Tractor and Truck Pull @ 7:30. I heart the Tractor and Truck Pull.

Friday: Gaited Horse Show @ 6:30; Rabbit Show @ 7. What if the horses aren't finished by 7?? Can I make both shows?

Saturday: Beef Show @ 6; Tractor and Truck Pull Championships @ 7:30; Greased Pig Contest @ 10. The winners of the Greased Pig Contest get $50 or the pig they catch.

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Monday, June 28, 2004

The Almighty Cthulhu and his Ride of Choice:

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I can't go to the other class reunion because I'd have to take a vacation day. Vacation is never approved during the last two weeks of the Fiscal Year. Never mind that my boss approved some vacation time for his own self today, since it is his son's birthday. Things that are important to some people aren't important to others.

The big reunion is held on a Saturday night at the Elks Lodge. There's an open bar, dinner (which includes a huge amount freshly grilled steaks, presented in giant plastic garbage cans marked "Rare", "Medium" and "Well"), dancing to great music, and then there's karaoke once everyone is well-lit.

I went to one of my own reunions and it was Dullsville. No name tags, bad food, bad DJ, and worst of all, it was in some dark conference room of a Holiday Inn.

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Sunday, June 27, 2004

Today I drove to The Big City to attend a surprise 75th birthday party for my Aunt B. The party was a surprise for her, though turning 75 wasn't. Aunt B is my mother's older sister. Uncle B was also there - he is my mother's younger brother. Uncle B's only son came over to me while I was snacking on some carrots and said, "I haven't seen you in ages!"

Me: Yeah, I know! I haven't seen you since your wedding. Or maybe Memaw's funeral.
Cousin J: This family doesn't get together often enough. We should have seen each other at the last big thing.
Me: What was the last big thing?
Cousin J: Ummm.... it was when our cousin L's daughter got married.
Me: Oh, yeah. I didn't go to that.
Cousin J: Me, neither.
Me: ...

I stopped at a gas station halfway home to put a few gallons in the new truck, as I was down to a quarter of a tank. Usually, when I stop for gas for the Honda, I engage the pump handle, then wash the windshield. By the time I get finished and walk back to the pump, the handle has clicked off, the tank is full and I'm $15-20 poorer, depending on gas prices. Today, when I walked back to the pump, my jaw dropped. Thirty-five gallons had already poured in to the tank and the dollar figure was well over fifty. AND it was STILL filling! I shut off the pump and staggered to the cashier in a daze.

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Saturday, June 26, 2004

CK sent me some mail and it's too funny not to share. For those of you who have seen the latest Harry Potter film, this is a humorous condensation of the movie. For those of you who haven't seen it, this may be all you need.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban in Fifteen Minutes

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Friday, June 25, 2004

Today's post is brought to you courtesy of my new iBook.

Since I was on the road for ten hours today, driving around, traversing the state, I've decided to answer Questions in Scooterdeb's Mailbag. Gather 'round - there's room for everyone.

Q: How is it that you are always around at the scene of car accidents?

A: I drive an awful lot. Take today, for example; I saw no less than three spectacular accidents, but, alas, was unable to get photos. Wreck 1 occurred on the divided interstate in the oncoming lane when the back door of a semi burst open and the dock plate flew out, which caused numerous cars to slam on their brakes, then swerve in to each other. Wreck 2 occurred when a large truck didn't notice that the small car in front of it wasn't paying attention to the green light. Wreck 3 had already happened when I saw it - a red car was cordoned off with yellow caution tape and the fire department was hosing it down while the tow truck removed the other dead vehicle.


Q: If you aren't Republican OR Democrat, does that mean you don't have a political opinion?

A: On the contrary, I have many political opinions. However, belonging to neither group allows me to be an equal opportunity hater of extremists and drones in each party. My biggest opinion is that one should sever themselves from the herd, forget the hype and do their own research. And maybe think outside the idea that there should just be two major parties in the United States. I also believe in air conditioning.


Q: Your Books I've Read section hasn't been updated in months! What gives?

A: Sadly, it is true that the Book section hasn't been updated. Not because I forgot to update it, but because I really haven't finished any books in quite some time. I have checked The Good Brother by Chris Offutt out of the library about eleventy times since February, and never seem to finish it. It's on the nightstand right now, and I think I'll read some of it tonight before going to sleep. Thanks for the gentle prod.

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Thursday, June 24, 2004

This morning on the drive in to work, I had the radio on NPR. Yes, I know I posted a rant the other day about how they've gone down the crapper of late, etc., but old habits die hard. They were discussing Bill Clinton's new book, so I was forced to change the channel.

It is neither here nor there to me what people think about Bill Clinton; if they hate him or if they love him matters not to me. However, my take on him is this: the man occupied the highest possible elected office in the United States. The office draws an enormous salary and the officeholder is supposed to be working for me, the taxpayer. Instead, this man chose to sit around, loafing and getting his knob polished on my dime and on my time! If this were a guy working in my warehouse, he'd have been fired long ago for being a time-waster. So, I won't be rewarding that behavior by buying his book.

Anyway, my point, and I do have one, is that when I changed stations, Cheap Trick was on. And not one of their current songs, but "I Want You to Want Me." I'm sure I looked like a complete idiot as I drove down the road, slapping the steering wheel in time and singing along with the music. When the song ended, I remembered going to one of their concerts in the late 80's. Then I just felt old.

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I was reading this film review for "A Home at the End of the World" that said a naked Colin Farrell was "no Ewan McGregor".

No. Doubt.

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Wednesday, June 23, 2004

It's time once again for Wednesday Wreck of the Week!

Each week, I wonder when this feature will fizzle out and die a painful death from lack of photos. And then, each week, new life is breathed in to the feature by some driving buffoon. CK and I saw this last night on our way out of the office as some Goth Boy's car in front of the local greasy spoon restaurant got nailed.

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Tuesday, June 22, 2004

New freshmen are filtering in to the colleges around town, so I inevitably have to deal with them and with their parents when they find our store. Our store is so badly located in the middle of nowhere, that there is a $10 off "You Found Us!" coupon on one of our flyers. If you can find us, we'll redeem your coupon with a purchase.

A woman came in with her bored son and asked about the Dell laptop we have on special for Back To School. I showed her the flyer and told her about the specs, then answered her question about why the campus wireless network doesn't reach inside the dorm rooms. She led off the next round of questioning with, "My father-in-law says," which is almost a 100% guarantee that whatever that IS, it's ridiculous. Her FIL said that "there's two types of wireless", so I assured her that particular laptop "does both kinds."

I helped a family of four sort out what computing equipment their child would need to be the best on campus. I fielded fairly standard questions from the mom (Q: "Why are these laptop backpacks so much more popular that those?" A: "Because these are cool and those look like something your dad would carry.") and from the dad (Q: "What's the battery life on this laptop?" A: "Do you mean how long will it last per session or how long before it dies altogether and needs to be replaced?" Q: "Replaced? You mean you can get another battery?" A: "Yes."), but the most insane line of questioning came from the son. The New Hope - a boy who has been deemed smart enough to endure a college curriculum:

Boy {pointing at a Dell laptop and then at an Apple iBook}: What's the difference between these two laptops.

Me: Oh, they're similarly specced out, with a combo DVD drive and CD burner.

Boy: Yeah, so then what's the difference, if they're the same?

Me {a bit unnerved}: Ah... well, this one's a Windows machine and this one's a Mac.

Boy: So, it's just brand name, then?

Me {wondering where this child has been living the past 18 years}: Not exactly. They have two different operating systems.

Boy: Operating systems? Hmmm... oh, well... which one is better?

Me {thinking that he really doesn't want me to go down that road}: They're just different. What do you have at home?

Boy: A Compaq.

Me: Ah, well, that's a Windows machine, so the software you already have will work on this Dell laptop.

Boy: Cool. I'll take that one, then.

Me {I weep for the future}: Let me ring that up for you.

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Monday, June 21, 2004

Yeah, I know it's about fishing, but I still think that Crappie World is a funny name for a magazine.

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Sunday, June 20, 2004

Big Weekend Recap:

Saturday:

1) Attempt to shampoo girl cat, get a paw full of claws stabbed in soft upper arm area; scream and attempt to dislodge cat with minimal removal of flesh; fail and give up.
2) Attempt to shampoo boy cat, get a giant claw in the forehead; scream and accidentally scare cat into submission.
3) Waste far too much time watching Pimp My Ride on MTV; wonder when Music Television stopped showing music videos.
4) Mop bathroom floor twice; scold all men in house at the time and tell them to aim better; dismiss their pathetic pleas of innocence; notice toilet leaks at floor level upon each flush; groan and go to store for new wax ring; remove commode, notice toilet bolts are rusted, return to store; come home to discover neighbor kid has used commode, even though it isn't "in the right place" and isn't connected; swear under breath and wish a liquor store were within walking distance.

Sunday:

1) Go to Mass and daydream about a new screen door that won't slam shut; wonder why people who don't sing still open up the music book and follow along; look through purse and slap forehead in realization that Church Offering Envelope is on the dining room table; wince as forehead radiates pain throughout entire head.
2) Get husband and go hiking with two other people; point out poison ivy and poison oak all along trail; discover no one else in group ever took a map skills class and take over orienteering before everyone drops off the Palisades cliffs into the river; check pedometer after hike and hope that today's 14,351 steps counts towards lack of so many steps Saturday.
3) Eat at the all-you-can-eat sushi buffet; consider photographing waiter's hairy chin mole; decide it's too unappetizing a sight.
4) Shop for a new screen door at Lowe's; ascertain that all doors in stock are too short for house; attempt to get help from Door guy without success; wander in to refrigerator department and get unwanted help from two Fridge guys; purchase new handheld showerhead with eight fabulous massage settings; plan for a relaxing evening.

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Friday, June 18, 2004

While I waited in the lobby with the other people not having hospital procedures that day, I watched some television and read some of my book. The View was on and I'd never seen it. However, it didn't take me long to determine that of the four women on the show, half of them were incredibly rude. And seemingly rude just to BE rude. It made me sad to think that game shows had been removed from daytime TV programming and replaced with opinionated old bitches. That's what blogs are for, innnit?

Speaking of, I saw this sign on a trash can in front of the hospital and thought my loyal readers would get a kick from seeing it and all the irony contained therein:

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Thursday, June 17, 2004

I finally gave in and stepped in to the light.

I signed up for 180 channels of satellite television goodness. Mr. Capp called to say the installer had shown up when he said he would, and was getting the television in the living room set up. When he's finished there, he's going to set up the TV in the bedroom, so I can stay awake all night, watching HGTV, ESPN and the shopping networks.

Mr. Capp also said that our elderly neighbor across the street had sent her lawn service over AGAIN to cut the grass. I guess that's one way of guaranteeing that your neighbor's yard doesn't bring down the style level of the rest of the neighborhood.

Me: Did you tell her that I have that new mower?
Mr. Capp: No.
Me: Did you tell her that I was going to get around to cutting the grass this weekend?
Mr. Capp: No, are you crazy??
Me: I think I use the left side of my brain too much.

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Wednesday, June 16, 2004

CK invited herself over to my house to watch movies. I never invite anyone anywhere because I'm avoidant. She brought an Eddie Izzard - Dress to Kill DVD. Or, at least that's what the cover on the box said. When I opened the case, I felt a little lightheaded and began to swoon. As the room started to fade to black, I heard a small chuckle as CK murmured, "Ah, technology these days. How amazing that just a few drops of chloroform on a CD would be enough to get absorbed through the skin of my victim..."

As I came to, I discovered that my clothes had been changed and I was wearing a fetching midnight blue merry widow corset and matching garter and thigh highs. We lay on the bed together and began to watch the movie. I tugged at my bindings to see if they would give. Alas, they did not, as CK is a true artiste at her craft. I caught a whiff of lavender and vanilla as she reached over me to get the remote. She said, "Just lay back and enjoy the ride," and then she clicked Play. I was then swept away in to the world of action transvestites and men on mopeds saying, "Ciao!"

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It's time once again for Wednesday Wreck of the Week!

This picture comes to us courtesy of an old friend of mine. According to him, "a knucklehead attempted to make a U-turn" on a viaduct next to his building at work. He also likes to take pictures of people picking their noses in their cars, but I'll leave that to him and spare all my readers.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Last Saturday night, I met some friends at the baseball park to watch a minor league game. It was just about the second inning when they all ditched me and went down to the Maker's Mark room to spend the rest of the game in the bar. They missed the t-shirt cannon and the dancing baseball mascot, not to mention all the tipped foul balls that slammed into the seats. One such ball came inches from hitting a baby in her mother's arms as they sat behind the home team dugout. Instead, it clobbered the drink right out of the hand of the man sitting behind them.

Meanwhile, there were a couple of drunken folks behind me having an elaborate argument. I thought about calling in an audio post and just holding the phone up next to them, but that seemed a little obvious. To summarize:

A graphic flashed on the Jumbotron. It showed a man holding a guitar.

Drunk 1: Hey, that was Elvis!! Woo hoo!! Go Elvis! My man!
Drunk 2: That wasn't Elvis.
Drunk 1: Yes, it was!
Drunk 2: No, it really wasn't Elvis.
Drunk 1: You make me sick the way you're always goin' around actin' like you know everything.
{argument degenerates into name calling and drink spilling}

Later:

Drunk 1: You know when you said that wasn't Elvis?
Drunk 2: Yes.
Drunk 1: What made you say that?
Drunk 2: Because Elvis wasn't black, like that guy in the picture.

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Monday, June 14, 2004

Thanks to everyone who has sent condolences my way over my loss of Scooter.

I found a picture that I'd taken of him just last Saturday, as he was sleeping on the porch steps, and thought I'd share.

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Sunday, June 13, 2004

My sweet elderly cat just died in my arms tonight. I always thought I would come home and he would be dead. And, although it was terribly painful to watch the last moments, I am grateful that I was home and could make his last hour a happy one. I brushed his fur and he started to purr. He tried to get up, but couldn't walk because his back legs wouldn't work; later he tried to get up, but couldn't lift his head. When he couldn't move, he got upset, and I talked to him and rubbed under his chin to calm him. I held his head in my left hand and stroked his back with my right hand until he finally stopped breathing. His heart kept beating strongly, though. It kept beating for so long, that I had a fleeting hope that this was all a mistake, and that he was going to make it after all.

I already miss him.

Rest in Peace
Scooter
March 17, 1987 - June 14, 2004

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Saturday, June 12, 2004

Mr. Capp put my elderly cat out on the porch last night, after the cat peed on the bathroom floor. I use the term "bathroom floor" loosely, since it is just plywood sub-flooring. But it's not like he ruined some exotic marble or tile surface.

The elderly cat usually just stays on the porch or in the yard, since he has no claws or teeth anymore. This morning I got up to let him back in and I couldn't find him. I searched the yard over and over, looked under the porch, looked under Mr. Mormon's porch, looked under Cat Guy's porch, looked under the Local TV News Guy's porch, all without success. I kept calling his name, but knew that wouldn't work, because he is hard of hearing. I was nearing the end of my rope.

What if someone "disposed" of him? What if he went off to die and I could never find him? What if I never saw him again? What if I did, and he wasn't living??

I saw the neighbor that lives on the other side of the Cat Guy Duplex. She was outside planting flowers. She never talks to anyone, but I thought this was as good a time as any to ask for help locating my cat. I walked over to her and said, "Have you seen a thin, adult cat, that has coloring like this kitten?", and pointed at one laying on her sidewalk. Her answer? "I smelled somethin' dead up the street when I went to work last night."

Completely taken aback by this answer, my mind shuffled through a few responses:

1) Eff You, Biatch.
2) What the eff kind of answer is that? Did I come over to ask if you smelled anything dead?
3) Nice. Really nice.

However, since I was desperate and really needed help, I said, "He wasn't dead last night. I know where he was until 1 this morning. I need to know if you've seen him TODAY." She shrugged her shoulders and said, "There wouldn't be so many cats around here if this guy {directs thumb to indicate other side of the Duplex} didn't feed them."

I told her, "Look. My cat is seventeen years old and lives inside my house. He is neutered and not part of the 'neighborhood cat problem'. I just need to find him," and then I walked off.

Finally, I found him under the shrubs ACROSS THE STREET. How did he get across the street?? WHY? I checked him out and he'd been in a fight. He was pretty mad at me, so I brought him home and cleaned him up, fed him some soft food and gave him fresh water. Mr. Capp came back from The Farmer's Market and found me crying and brushing the cat. I told him the cat wasn't allowed outside anymore, because he is too frail and can't defend himself.

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Friday, June 11, 2004

On my desk at work, I set down a small book I'd been reading, and forgot it was there. The title is The Yellow Wallpaper: And Other Stories that were written by Charlotte Perkins Gilman in the late 1800's. I'd bought the cheap Dover Thrift Edition for a dollar.

KIA walked in to my office and noticed the book right away.

KIA: Oh, wonderful! You're reading Sylvia Plath! I can tell by the cover! Which title is it?

Me: The Yellow Wallpaper.

KIA: Ah, yes. The Yellow Wallpaper. I remember reading that back when I was a child. I read that book right before my Russian authors period. Wait a minute. Sylvia Plath didn't write that.

Me: No, she didn't.

KIA: It was Virginia Woolfe. Yes, that story brings back many memories of when I was reading all types of subversive material and the teachers were trying to tell my parents that I shouldn't read so much. {picks up book and looks at the cover} Charlotte Perkins Gilman? Why is her name on here?

Me: She's the author.

KIA: What?

Me: I can tell by the cover.

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Thursday, June 10, 2004

Scene at today's Grand Opening of an Arby's restaurant in my town:

Me {after being cut in front of by a stoned woman who clearly needed food}: I'll have the Asian Chicken Salad with sesame dressing.
Clerk: Will that be for here or to go?
Me: For here.

I move over to wait with the rest of the giant crowd. Later:

Manager {calls out to the awaiting throng}: Asian Chicken Salad to go?
Me {after no one claims the salad}: I ordered one, but it was for here. Is this someone else's order?
Manager: Oh, God, no. No one else ordered this. Yours is the first salad we've sold all day.
Me: ...

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I checked out The Office - The First Season on DVD at my local library Tuesday night and have been watching episodes each evening. The acting is great, the writing is fantastic, and the scenes are so funny, even though none of the characters are actually having fun.

It's kind of hard to explain, so maybe a couple of examples are in order.

1) The boss is showing a new temp around the office and says that everyone has e-mail. He attempts to show her how to use e-mail on an employee's computer. When he opens the mail, he sees a picture of his head pasted on to a naked woman who is laying with two naked men. He apologizes to the temp and then asks everyone in the office, "Who has seen this filth?" Everyone, including the cleaning lady, raises their hand. The boss turns to the cleaning lady and says, "You don't even have e-mail." She answers, "Someone printed it off for me." He turns back to everyone and asks, "Who printed this out for her?" Everyone raises their hand.

2) The boss hires a trainer to present a Customer Service seminar "to show the staff they're valued". He interrupts and one-ups the trainer numerous times, completely misses the point of the training, and ends up playing his guitar to prove to the staff that he "really was in a band". The trainer finally gets fed up and walks out of the seminar.

Yeah, it wouldn't be as funny if you haven't already work in an office just like it.

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Wednesday, June 09, 2004

It's time once again for Wednesday Wreck of the Week!

Today's picture shows us what can happen if your neighbor REALLY wants you to stop cutting your grass more often than he cuts his own. He might just ram the front end of his SUV in to the back of your batwing mower.

 

I think the mower won.

 

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You know that plane that flew into restricted airspace around the US Capitol today? Umm... yeah, that was our Governor, trying to get to the Reagan proceedings. What a goofball. The news was breaking as I left work and TAC wondered what would it have been like if the plane had been shot down. SBC pretended to get online and read out loud, "Kentucky governor blasted to smithereens by Hellfire missile!"

Air Force fighter jets intercepted the plane and escorted it to the airport. I sure hope our governor packed a change of underpants.

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Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Before I forget to do this, I wanted to post pictures of all the ash cans that are conveniently placed for smokers in my grocery store. The first one is at the end of the coffee, juice, canned fruit and vegetable lane.

Two lanes over, we find the next can along with the tuna, Spam and canned meat products. Yummy!

The next can is in a lane I think is insanely laid out. I've often complained to the manager that it makes no sense to combine the baby food, baby formula, cat food, dog food and diapers with the ant, roach, rat and mouse poison. People would obviously have a higher chance of being accompanied by small children if they're in that lane, so why risk having one of the tykes picking up a packet of pest death pellets?

Another handy can at the end of the bleach, detergent and fabric softener lane. This one must be popular, as there are still two butts left in the cat litter. Kinda sounds like my house. Two butts... in the cat litter. Never mind.

Far be it from anyone to have figured out they're in a grocery store with fresh food products, another can is close at hand in the trash can liner, toilet paper, plastic fork and paper towel lane.

Last, but not least, is the can in the frozen food lane. I thought it had a nice placement in the store, right there next to the Velveeta. It allows the patron to stub out their smoke while reaching for their favorite processed cheese food.

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I had a Wal-Mart moment this morning before I came in to work. At the Express Check-Out lane, it was finally my turn and I was digging through my purse in a vain attempt to find my wallet and the debit card inside it before the cashier finished ringing up my purchase. I stopped looking when I remembered it was on the bookshelf in the bedroom back at the house. The clerk looked a little bored when she told me my total was $35. I pulled the cash out of my pockets and said, "What can I get for $32?"

It was like I was on The Price is Right, playing The Grocery Game. I looked in the bag and said, "OK, remove the luggage tags and the bagels." Once they were out, the new total was $32.15, so I handed over all my cash, plus fifteen Bottom-of-the-Purse-Pennies.

Once I got in the car, I realized I should have kept the bagels, so I could have eaten one of them on the drive in.

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Monday, June 07, 2004

What better way to try to tack on a thousand steps before the end of the day than to get a wild hair and drive to the next county over to catch the last Sunday night showing of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban? I rolled in to the theater parking lot with five minutes to spare, bought the overpriced drink and popcorn combo, then settled in to the lounge seats of my favorite movie house. There were only about 20 other people there, so I had a spectacular view of the screen. There were no other patrons in my section, so I wasn't disrupted by people getting up and walking past, talking, throwing snacks, or whatever.

When I came home and drove down the street after midnight, I saw one of Cat Guy's kitten cats (older than six months but not quite a year old) laid out behind a neighbor's van. I told Mr. Capp I was going to go pick it up and put it on Cat Guy's porch so he'd be aware of what happened, but Mr. Capp didn't want me to "touch that dead thing." I reminded him that it was just a cat; I wasn't picking up hot coals with my bare hands. I told him I would hope that someone would extend the same courtesy to me, in the event that one of my cats was run over. But carrying the poor cat back to his home raised two questions for me:

1) What kind of cold-hearted jackhole runs over a cat and doesn't even bother to stop and move it out of the road?
2) How fast was said jackhole driving in my neighborhood to run over the cat, and what if it had been a human that had walked out in the street?

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Sunday, June 06, 2004

At work, I got a digital pedometer from the Wellness department of Human Resources. They sent one to everybody who filled out the Open Enrollment survey, which contained questions about health insurance and your lifestyle. HR is fixated on the notion that if we would all just live right, they wouldn't have to pay out so much for our medical bills, so they promote exercise, proper diet, low stress, etc. Of course, everyone thinks their job is high stress, they eat fast food at their desks, and the only walking they do is between their office and their car in the parking garage.

The pedometer already had 746 steps registered on it from its journey via internal mail from HR to me. I reset it and clipped it on. I read the accompanying letter, which said I'm supposed to shoot for 10,000 steps a day. I thought that would be a piece of cake, but by the end of the day, I had less than 6,000. The letter said if you walk less than 5,000 steps a day, you may as well not have walked at all. I'm not sure they should have mentioned that, because some people might not even bother.

I clipped the thing on yesterday morning before I went out to cut the grass with my new electric mower. I snagged 2600 steps in the front yard alone! If I'd used the old mower, I would have walked more, because the cutting swath was so small. The new mower has an 18" cutting path, so after about four swipes across and back, I was finished.

Right now I am up to 8984 for today. A bunch of those steps came from where I hauled out a load of boxes from the back room to the front porch so they could be taken to the Donate Place. I guess I'd better get up out of this chair and try to get a thousand more steps in before the end of the day.

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Thanks to Wes, I now know Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase I am.

Now you can also take the quiz: "Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Is maith liom bananai
Is maith liom bananai - 'I like bananas.'You're laid-back and you enjoy the simple things in life. Some might say you're a little too laid-back. Just what is it you're smoking, anyway?

I like bananas? Is that a euphemism?

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Saturday, June 05, 2004

Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan has died. I was napping when it happened, but woke up to hear the Breaking News. I called Mr. Capp to let him know and he announced it to all the shoppers and workers at Wal-Mart, then begged off the phone to go find a black arm band.

The news said Reagan would lie in state for two days in Washington D.C. It seems like something a citizen should attend.

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On my way home from work yesterday, I was listening to one of the NPR channels on the radio, like I always do. They ran a piece on the President's visit to see the Pope and present him with the Medal of Freedom. Their major focus wasn't on the visit or what the Pope said or what the President said; it was on the "thousands of protestors" in the streets. NPR went on and on about how the anti-war protestors were throwing rocks at police, setting things on fire and generally running riot. I thought that sounded pretty funny - that people who are anti-war would go around busting up stuff and fighting with police in public.

This morning, I thought I'd blog it as a funny. But when I went to look up news links for this story, all I kept getting was information that conflicted with the NPR story. Yes, there were "thousands of protesters", but they were calm and just marched around holding signs, chanting, and occasionally burning an effigy here and there. Just like protesters everywhere. The other news outlets mentioned the protesters, but mainly focused on the MEETING that the President had with the Pope. The real news wasn't the NPR story. The real news was the smackdown the Pope laid on the President over his handling of the war and the Al Ghraib prisoner situation, and his statement that what's really needed is a "serene and resolute commitment to shared human values", without which, "neither war nor terrorism will ever be overcome."

NPR has gone to seed since Bob Edwards left.

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Friday, June 04, 2004

May 28 was CK's birthday, but she was out of town, so we didn't get to go out to eat until today at lunch. We were going to walk to her favorite restaurant and buy the McGriddles, but we found out that they were only served during breakfast hours. CK got irate and went off on the minimum-wage clerk. After CK tore up the counter, the manager came out and asked us to leave. You'd have thought we would have learned our lesson last year when she did the exact same thing.

We walked instead to a new sit-down Cajun food restaurant that is within walking distance from work. I tried to talk CK into getting something with crawdads in, but she refused. She wanted some Cajun McGriddles, but they were fresh out so she got the pasta primavera (no onions, obviously) and a glass of sweet tea. I ordered the grilled (not McGriddled) chicken breast, something I don't usually eat. It was well-seasoned and quite tasty with some Cajun garlic sauce added. They brought out bread and salads for us, plus side dishes, all for less than seven dollars. What a deal!

CK talked the whole time about an anthropologist named Blair Sandburg. She said she was fixated on his hair. I thought she kept saying "Lair Hair", like he had a Den of Seduction or something, but it turned out she was saying, "Blair Hair". Then she got on some tangent about hosiery. She's such a girl.

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Thursday, June 03, 2004

Since CK is on vacaation this week, I took the opportunity to rifle around in her desk. As I sat down in her chair, the phone rang, so I reached to answer it. I looked up and saw that she'd printed out a picture of The Hair and had LAMINATED it. 

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The Almighty Cthulhu has requested that I clarify the geographical location of the place I went last Friday with the Very Close Family Member. I had stated that I drove to the southwestern part of the state. It's SW from my house, but TAC says that I gave the impression I'd driven to Paducah. In reality, I'd driven to Bowling Green, which TAC has told me time and time again, is in the South Central (not South Western) part of the state.

Here's what I did while I was in Bowling Green, home of the summer lair of TAC.

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Happy Vesak!

Take some time today to ponder on the wise words of the Buddha:

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.

And my personal favorite (because it has helped me put things into perspective many, MANY times):

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.

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Wednesday, June 02, 2004

It's time once again for Wednesday Wreck of the Week!

Today we see the aftermath of a previous collision. Feel free to conjure up your own joke about a large vehicle "travelling" and getting "lodged" in the Travelodge sign.

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Tuesday, June 01, 2004

People come in here all the time and make computer purchases that baffle me, so I really should cease to be amazed. But today I got an order that just makes no sense to me. The system has a 3 GHz processor, 2 GB of memory and a 17" flat panel monitor. So far, so good. They added a DVD burner and two 160 GB hard drives. That's a super duper amount of storage. The weird part? They also want a floppy drive.

What would anyone with a DVD burner and two 160 GB drives need with an outdated mode of data storage? The 3.5" floppy can only hold 1.44 MB of data. A single picture is bigger than that, these days. What on Earth could even fit on one of those things anymore?? And since it costs MORE to add a floppy drive, why not spend the same money and get a USB flash drive? For the same price, they could get a small 64 MB flash drive and put 44 floppies worth of crap on it.

I just can't figure out why people can't give up the dinosaur.

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Since it's Tuesday and all, I thought you'd enjoy A Lengthy Photo Post that includes pictures of the latest flooding in my area. The tricky thing about flood pictures is that people outside the area don't usually have a frame of reference to just how high or out-of-bounds the water actually is. I tried to capture images that would give you an idea of how damn high this water was at the time the pictures were taken.


This is the yard of my neighbor on the corner down the street. They thought they could wait out the water, but they can't leave their house without wearing hip waders.



This is the yard of my neighbor across and down the street. He tried to move his truck and trailer to the far reaches of his property, but it wasn't far enough. Last night, he blocked the road in an attempt to pump water out of his yard, but the local police made him move and told him there wasn't anywhere he could put the pumped-out water anyway.



This is the entrance to one of the City Parks. Most people flock to this park because there are ball fields, tennis courts and a nice playground area. All of those things were submerged.



So much for my Memorial Day picnic plans at the picnic shelter.



This is one of the ball fields with the dugout to the right of the fencing and to the left of the telephone pole.



If you can pick out the top of the white signboard in the middle of the water, then you know where the first tee is on the golf course across the street.



I walked down to our bridge to take a picture of the water. What you can't see here is that there is a dam that usually holds the water back. It's in the top of the picture, where the water is calm. In summer, it gets so dry that there is barely a trickle of water that runs over the dam. Birds, turtles and salamanders can be seen walking around on the bottom, or sunning themselves. Oh, and if that's your cooler there, just mark it down as lost, 'cause I didn't fish it out as it went past.

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